No. 10 - YOUR NEW WORK BESTIE(S)

YOUR NEW WORK BESTIE(S)

April 30, 2025 • Issue No. 10

The 90’s era frosted lips trend came and went without my participation, and when the 00’s brought the clear gloss craze I didn’t fall in line until I found my version of a perfect shade: shiny, but not TOO shiny. Even as I pored over cosmetics ads in glossy magazines, I worried about drawing too much attention to what I considered an unbecoming feature. Compared to what I saw on my classmates and team members, my lips seemed disproportionately large so I spent most of my childhood self conscious about their size and shape. It wasn’t until college that I actually worked up the courage to try a noticeable shade. I purchased a tube of Revlon’s “Wine With Everything” and prayed for strength. Soon, you couldn’t catch me in a nude lip, I kept various shades in my purse and changed from day to night. Later, I’d empathize with OG YouTuber Franchesca Ramsey’s “My Lipstick Story” inspired by Tracee Ellis Ross. I fell in love with my lips just before filler became commonplace, that era in the mid-to-late aughts when you’d be just as likely to see plumped lips on a reality tv star as you would on your next-door neighbor. You can imagine my surprise that people coveted the thing I’d spent years trying to hide. It was a WAIT, PEOPLE PAY FOR THIS? kind of moment.  

Just yesterday, I had another one of those moments. I was doing my breakfast read of Apple News when I came across an Inc article entitled “Your Employees are Disengaged and Lonely. The Cure Is Right Under Your Nose” about this Gallup poll. Here’s a quote:

My first reaction: Um, duh? I’m happy anywhere my friends are. And anywhere my friends aren’t, I make new ones!

I read on a little further to find out what some companies are doing to help people feel engaged and build connection (aka make friends).

And then I arrived at my second reaction: WAIT, PEOPLE PAY FOR THIS? Some companies are paying consultants to come in and help people connect…

So today, I’ve got some ‘free game’ for you. If you’re in that 20% of workers who lack connection with your colleagues or you’re one of the women feeling lonely at work and you want to change your circumstances, I’ve got 3 tips to help you do it. 

1. Listen

   This one is somehow both easy and hard, but it’s key! When people are speaking, listen to them. If they are talking about their family and home life, listen. Remember the names of their family members, check out the artist whose concert they recently attended, welcome them back when they return from vacation. If they are talking about work-related stuff, listen. Remember the suggestions they made in the meeting and give them credit, check out the work hacks they’ve recommended, respond with a gif or an emoji when they post in the team Slack. Try not to multi-task when you’re listening to new friends, you’ll be more present and they’ll feel the difference.

2. Share

   Friendship is a two-way street! Imagine if someone was trying to be friends with you and they took my advice of LISTEN, but when they were around you had nothing to say. Give your new friend something to listen to, things they can use to strike up a conversation with you. I’m going to use the list from LISTEN in reverse now: tell them about your family, your taste in music or movies, your upcoming vacation. Share as much as you’re comfortable with. If your home life is a sensitive topic, steer the conversation toward your interests and hobbies. As it relates to work: share suggestions (but don’t be mad if they don’t implement them immediately), speak up in meetings (verbally or in the chat), or ask your new friend for input or feedback (but don’t ask them to do your work for you!)

3. Invite

   Once the at-work banter and exchange is beginning to pick up with your new friend, you have an opportunity to make plans together. Extending invites opens you up for potential rejection, but few of life’s rewards come without risk. Start with small, work-centered asks like: collaborating on a project, or a quick check-in after a meeting. When those go well, proceed to medium-sized, more personal invitations: co-working at a specific time and place (even if it’s virtual!), coordinate your in-office/on-site days, eat lunch together, go for a walk, ask them to be your wingwoman and show up as a duo at a work event/happy hour. At this point, you can decide if you’d like to expand your friendship outside of work. Some people are busy and may not have a lot of time off the clock, especially if they are working parents, but others might be down to come to your birthday party, see a movie, or try a workout class. Once you start hanging out in any capacity, remember to continue listening and sharing so that the time is meaningful and well-spent.

   Remember that this is reciprocal. If someone at work is inviting you to do something, they may be trying to build a relationship with you. Accept when you can and if you must decline, make an alternate suggestion so they know that you’re interested. This includes work events, too. My friend, La Erica, has made a name for herself at her corporate job, not only for being a total boss on every client site but also for being a showstopper at team karaoke. She’s earned professional esteem just by being present and participating.

Maybe you’re thinking, “but Anastazia, what if I don’t want to be friends with anyone I work with?” Or, “how can I make friends at work if I work by myself?” In the first case, I’d ask you to investigate why you don’t see any friend potential in the people you spend most of your day with. It’s possible that you’re in a position that’s not mission or values aligned for you, which is a whole other sack of potatoes. And if you work by yourself, you’re in good company because I do, too! And I’ve made work friends by teaming up with other solopreneurs, coaches, and freelancers. My friend, Almeta, is a personal trainer and nutrition coach. We meet monthly to share goals and chit-chat over coffee. I consider her my work friend, even though she and I haven’t collaborated on any projects (yet!)

Finally, I want to prepare you for a criticism that may come your way if you get good at this. In my last workplace, I could sit at any lunch table and converse — even with people who weren’t on my team, even with the head of our organization. More than once, someone has quipped, “Oh, you’re just friends with everybody.” This critique made me feel self-conscious, like I was doing something wrong and I’d stammer some sort of excuse. If someone says this to you, you can respond how I wish I’d had back then. Just say yes, proudly. “Yes, I am friends with everybody.” There is no reason to be ashamed of that.

Now, what does any of this have to do with lipstick? That was my example of a share. After reading that story, you’ve learned something about me that we can talk about. Maybe you’ll feel inclined to share something with me in response. Maybe we can swap lipstick recommendations! Putting yourself out there at work will require some vulnerability, but the payoff is a more enjoyable time on the clock. Even the research agrees, in the presence of friends, you’ll be better able to work with a smile.

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