No. 13 - ...BUT HER EMAILS!

…BUT HER EMAILS!

June 11, 2025 • Issue No. 13

Blame it on NYC. I was at the Times Square-42nd Street Subway station (the busiest public transit interchange in the city) when I had a chance run-in. I saw a woman in a dope outfit with her hair laid, and I was inching closer to get a better look at her shoes when I realized it was my friend (and founder of SHEER magazine), Bianca Jean-Pierre! We had been meaning to get coffee for months but kept missing each other. She had her headphones in and was looking at her phone but since we just happened to be in the same place at the same time, I had to pull up and say hello.

“Biancaaaaa!” I sang.

She took her Airpods out and smiled, “Oh my gosh! I was just reading one of your emails! You’re really churning ‘em out!”

I was floored. And if my cheeks weren’t already red from power walking in the heat, you’d have seen me blush.

As ya’ll know, I took a week off two weeks ago to celebrate Beyoncé. I wrote the Sparkle Sheet (this newsletter) in advance, but my other newsletter was zero dark thirty for about 12 days. (Did you know I write another newsletter that’s just about Black art?) 

I was feeling self-conscious about the fact that I’d taken an unscheduled, unannounced break. I was worrying that people would think I’d been inconsistent, unmotivated, or had just lost interest and was quitting altogether.

I’m well aware of my tendency to overthink but this worry felt so real until I ran into Bianca. And then I was reminded me of my goal-farming! 🧑🏾‍🌾

One of my goals was to be more consistent and to prove to myself that I’ve never really not been consistent. I’ve been stalked by the misconception that when I stopped working for other people and started working for myself that I would succumb to laziness or to lack of motivation. That I would just roll around in bed all day instead of getting anything done. (It turned out this couldn’t have been further from the truth!)

This chance exchange with Bianca has underlined two things for me:

1. Community is so important! You need people to hold up a mirror for you, both to cheer you on and to help you shift.

2. The gap between self-perception and public-perception can be vast and if you tend to be a perfectionist (like me) it doesn’t lean in your favor. As with trains, you’ve got to ‘mind the gap’.

Sometimes self-comparison tends to exacerbate this gap. There’s a girl I know from college who sends emails on money management and finance consulting every! day! and while I’m certain this is too much and has been for years, seeing the frequency of her messages immediately makes me feel like I’m not doing enough.

Where I was despairing over a deficit, Bianca was seeing an accumulation. The people on the mailing list weren’t seeing all the days I hadn’t sent an email, they were just seeing the messages roll into their inboxes as they came. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but:

💎 Sometimes you’re the only one who is doubting your proficiency. 💎 

If you’ve worked with an executive coach before, you’ve probably had a 360 assessment where the coach has interviewed the people you work with and reported back to you on your strengths and weaknesses. It’s a great way to close the perception gap — and I’d be happy to help if you’re in the market for a coach.

But even without a coach or a 360, you can reflect on this gap independently. This week’s journal prompts will help you target the gap between what you think, what you think others think, what others have actually said, and what the evidence reveals.

Speaking of consistency and other projects: my business partner, Michaela Ablon, and I are co-launching a boutique consulting lab specifically focused on soft-skills at the end of the month and we’re soliciting your juiciest opinions on what makes people choose new jobs, how work has changed since 2022, and whether you think your teammates are engaged. If you have 10 minutes to dish, I’d love for you to participate in our survey here. 💖 If you’d like an invitation to our virtual Alpha Launch on June 25, email me directly and I’ll send one your way.

P.S. I got DRENCHED at the Cowboy Carter concert. But it was worth it! Read last week’s Beyonce-themed Sparkle Sheet here 🙏🏾

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