No. 5 - SEEING GREEN

“SEEING GREEN”

February 19, 2025 • Issue No. 5

In my e-book, Finding Your Sparkle at Work, I describe five ways to increase your radiance, but I don’t give any air time to the number one way to turn your sparkle dial to ‘off.’ So let’s talk about it here.

Envy. Jealousy. Or, if you grew up in church: Covetousness.

Each of these emotions are a shortcut to stifling your sparkle, but they can be difficult to avoid. So difficult, in fact, that envy caught up with me this weekend. 

I was at a dinner party in Harlem with a group of twelve women to celebrate my friend’s birthday. As I moved through the room, I felt like I had found my people. All of the women live and work in New York, they’re mid-career high performers, and they were impeccably dressed. The room was buzzing with fragrance recommendations (everyone’s into Byredo right now), recaps of recent travel (one woman was at the Super Bowl in New Orleans!), stories from the front lines of single life (it’s hard out here), and updates on work accolades (one guest just completed her seventh year of successful self-employment). I was deeply happy to be there, sharing my own account of life lately, and soaking up every compliment on my outfit.

But there was one woman who triggered something in me. We can call her Alicia. As she was sharing with a small group of us in the corner, I could feel the little cartoon devil on my shoulder poking me in the neck with his trident! All of a sudden I was kicking myself for doing everything wrong. I’d never felt more sure that my whole life had been a waste.

“If,” said the small voice in my head, “I had just gone to law school and become a corporate attorney then I, too, could fly on a semi-private jet and watch the Kendrick Lamar halftime show from my company’s suite with the other junior partners. I could serve on the boards of the non-profits I most admire and collect vintage Dior. Then I would be….happy.”

It’s an alluring dream.

But it’s not my dream. And that small voice is not mine. It’s the voice of envy. I’ll watch consecutive hours of Law & Order, but I have never wanted to be a lawyer. Going to the Super Bowl had never even crossed my mind until I heard that someone else had done it. I’d rather collect handmade pieces by independent Black designers and I already do board work. And most importantly, I already am happy.

So, what gives? Why would I be triggered by a dinner party conversation with Alicia when I feel more grounded than ever in my life choices? Because jealousy, like sadness and happiness, are human emotions. (And so is embarrassment, which is a little of what I’m feeling while I tell y’all this true story of how I am not above the distraction of Dior. I am pushing through it!) It’s okay to have the feeling because then you get to decide what to do about it. I decided that it was time to journal. As always, I’ll share the questions I used in the talk to me section below.

As it turned out, it was Alicia’s service on charitable boards that sparked something in me. I co-founded a non-profit in 2013, but I’ve not yet been invited to join the board of a more established organization. To me, this represents legitimacy and prestige; plus, I’m curious about how other boards work since ours is figuring it out as we go. I’ve never had the corporate influence that makes me a desirable board candidate for a major non-profit, but I am serious about service and starting my work in my own community. (I’ll tell you what I’m going to do about that in a second.)

At the party, I could feel myself shrinking and dulling when I was listening to Alicia. I worried I didn’t have anything worthwhile to contribute; I got quiet and tried to disappear. This might be happening to you, too, when envy strikes. It might keep you from speaking up in meetings — or even worse, stop you from connecting with people who might be able to guide you closer towards your dreams. Surely, it would make more sense to ask Alicia to chat about her board work over coffee instead of keeping my distance and coveting what she appears to have. There's enough light for all of us to sparkle and more than enough lanes for each of us to have one.

I decided that while I may not have the financial influence to contribute to a charitable board, I can still tone my board muscles close to home. I’m submitting an application for my community board in Harlem and I hope you’ll cross your fingers for me! I’m not trying to be the next Jasmine Crockett or anything but as the political landscape worsens, I think we need more people with a heart for community to participate in government. Even if I’m not ultimately selected to serve, I feel at peace knowing that I turned my envy into action. 

This may be counterintuitive, but when you start seeing green I want you to stop. This envy is information: you’ve come face to face with something you want but maybe don’t know how to get. Figure out what it is, determine how you want to prioritize this new goal, and connect with people who can help you get there. 💎 You’re being called to take a big step; turn your sparkle on and get walking. 💎  

If you live in NYC and you’re interested in applying for your Community Board, you can get more information here. Applications for Manhattan CB’s are due on February 28, 2025.

💎 Enjoyed this newsletter? Forward it to a friend!